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On Friday, May 23rd, a city wide emergency took place in Portland, OR. There was ecoli in the water! As a health-conscious individual, I dealt with this crisis the only way I knew how: by drinking exclusively beer. Now in my 30 plus years on earth, you would think that I would have mastered the drunkeness that resulted from this decision, but alas, one clumsy step and I found myself bleeding and toothless at 1 am.
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While my new look was incredibly metal, it was also painful and really inconvenient for things such as eating and talking, so there was only one thing to do. I called up Dr. Brendan of Yawgoons fame and made an appointment. Now I just had to get to Rhode Island.
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My flight landed in Boston at 1 am on Wednesday night and I pointed by light blue Hyundai accent due south for Narragansett. Dr. B greeted me at the door at 3 am, and told me my appointment was in a mere 5 hours. After groggily pulling myself out of bed, I walked across the street to Arrowhead Dental Associates (talk about convenience!) and settled in for two hours of serious dental work. Luckily, I had broken my teeth above the nerves, so the procedure was relatively simple. A little novocaine and Endless Summer playing on the TV above my head lulled me to sleep as Dr. B worked his magic and pretty soon my teeth were literally as good as new.
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Free x rays!? I’ll take em.
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Sorry ladies, he’s taken.
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Going to the dentist can be fun!
Now flying to Rhode Island may seem costly, but I assure you, this is the first time I’ve ever gotten a bro deal on dentistry and it was more than worth it. Plus my smile is kinda important to me, so I wanted it done by someone good. As if my own opinion wasn’t proof enough of Dr. B’s skills, he actually was headed off to NYC to receive a well-deserved award for being one of the top dentists under 40 in the nation. No big deal.
Since I was already there, I figured I might as well make a trip of it, so I did. And since I know attention spans for the written word are short, I’ll tell the rest of this tale in photo bullet point form.
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Dr. B took me to the Umbrella Factory, a lush garden complete with Emus, goats and a bamboo forest. My mom saw this picture and said, “He’s a dentist, and he gives tours!?” Yes, and he also makes the best snowboard videos on the internet, mom.
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In order to get the full RI experience, it was necessary to meet up with Marcus Rand. MDot is kind of a legend around these parts. He also speaks his own language. I learned a few new phrases such as “souped,” meaning exited. Also, he often referred to himself as “the kid.”
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Marcus showed me all the hot surf spots, explaining, “this is why Rhode Island is awesome.” I don’t surf, so I will take his word for it.
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This is a selfie of me in front of the Desire sign, I swear.
I love strip clubs, and according to Marcus, those in RI are the best in the Northeast. So despite it being a Wednesday night, we headed 25 miles north to Desire, a Gentleman’s club. I paid the $7 cover, knowing full well that it would be the C-squad. It was here I came up with a new rule: If you are visibly older than the strippers, you are the creepy guy at the strip club.
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Found a bunch of stickers from the early 2000′s at my parents house. Always good for a laugh.
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When my family moved into this house, there were no trees in the yard. We planted a bunch of trees and look it now. Needless to say I feel old.
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After a brief stop in Vermont, it was back down south to catch the Red Sox game. But first, we caught this double rainbow.
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My parents had tickets to the Red Sox/Tampa Bay game. You’ll notice I don’t know what Tampa’s team is called, because I don’t care. What I do enjoy, however, is yelling and drinking $9 beer. To really complete my Boston experience, however, it was necessary to invite Burton Knowbuddy Eugene Stancato, aka Geno from the Beano.
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Eugene is somewhat of a Boston legend, and brought me up to the Bud Deck, which is private, I guess. While hanging with his friends that worked at Fenway, I got to wear a World Series ring, which was kinda neat (but really heavy.)
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From there it was off to Long Island, for my cousin’s engagement party. I spent most of the time trying to get her fiance’s frat bros to smoke weed with me, to little avail. Apparently weed is “not cool” yet in New York. Bummer, man.
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Back in Vermont, there was only one thing to do: skateboard! Now, I forgot my skateboard at home like a dumbass, but luckily Evan and the boys at Darkside had extras. They also have a ramp which is lit, free and open to whoever. Mark Poole had some tricks.
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Killington has a pretty solid crew of kids these day, and among them is one Tim Major. It happened to be his birthday, as well as the day his season edit hit the Internet. While you guys debated whether he is an asshole or not (he is, but in that good kinda way) we were getting drunk at eating cupcakes at Jax Food and Games.
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You know that saying, “when in Rome?” Well, when in Vermont, you’d be silly not to go to Waterbury and lurk at Rome. I got the official tour, some exciting leaks on new graphics, and even caught up with my old pal Dan Sullivan, who works days as Rome’s sales manager and evenings farming small humans.
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The obvious next stop on the tour is the Burton HQ. I scheduled a serious meeting of the minds with Burton Marketing gods Dan Devine, Zach Nigro and Billy Allen, in which we solved all of snowboarding’s problems over beers at Franny O’s. Well, not really, but we did figure out some shit for next season that will be dope.
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It was way too hot to skate the Burton bowl (damn humidity) and again, I didn’t have my skateboard anyway, but here’s a picture of Zach that @frankievt took in it. You get the idea.
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As the sun set on Burlington, my second Knowbuddy guide of the trip, Ralph Kucharek, was nice enough to take me to Lake Champlain to get a sick ‘gram. While the sunset was dope, the full double rainbow was doper.
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Double rainbow number 2. Burlington VT.
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No trip to Burlington would be complete without a trip to Esox, which is much hipper than I remember. Luckily, the drinks are still strong cheap and Upstate Mike even made it out!
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Zach Nigro is the man.
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Oh yeah, the Catfish Chronicles showed up too.
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The next morning I woke up on Upstate Mike’s futon in Winooski and demanded the full grounds tour. Meet one of the Callaghens.
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Back in my hometown, Rutland, it was time for a not-so-annual tradition: the Rutland bar tour. Now, we’ve been going on these every couple years since long before I turned 21, and this one was set to be the most epic yet. The Darkside crew was coming down with the van, Chas Truslow was in attendance, and a kid I went to High School with said he was coming too. But like many great plans, as the time grew near, the enthusiasm wained and the bar tour crowd ended up being myself, Chas and my parents. We started at the new Tap Room, a fancy beer bar/restaurant where the Midway Diner used to be. Then it was Two Shea’s, where Labatts are still cheap and peanuts are still free. After a few drinks there with my friend from High School, we moved on to Center Street Saloon. The drink specials on a Wednesday included $1 PBRs, $3 Jamieson shots and half priced wine, which didn’t matter because for the first time ever, the bar tour had a sponsor (thanks Dad!)
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When I was growing up in Rutvegas, this bench was where we hung out. There was a waxed curb and a skateshop across the street. The city eventually removed the bench to prevent loitering, but I guess no one hangs out there anymore since the Sound Barrier is gone and everyone is old now, so they put it back. Chas and I relived the memories.
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Finally, I made a quick stop at Quechee Gorge to enjoy some nature on my way back to Boston. So pretty.
Thanks East Coast! It was a time.